5-Convo Friday - Open-Ended Questions

What do you want to learn from this article series?

In Summer School Part 5, we looked at the difference between Directive and Reflective coaching interactions. Most coaches have more practice being Directive. We’re used to cueing, correcting, and leading athletes toward a specific result.

But Reflective? That’s trickier. So instead of 5-Play Friday, this series is 5-Convo Friday where I create some hypothetical conversations. These are loosely-based on interactions I’ve had with athletes in the past.

I highlighted 4 core skills the Motivational Interviewing framework uses:

1. Open-Ended Questions

2. Affirmations

3. Reflective Listening

4. Summarizing

In each case, the goal is to allow the athlete to steer the conversation until they make a Change Statement that indicates they want a change in outcome and understand that it will require a change in behavior. At this point, you and the athlete can then move toward Directive mode. How much of the direction comes from you and how much comes from the athlete is dependent on a lot of factors.

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Open-Ended Questions are often the entry point to reflective conversations—but they’re not magic on their own. The real key is knowing when and how to use them to let the athlete steer the conversation, not just respond. I include them last because I actually think they are a little trickier to use than the other 3. Reflective Listening is the easiest and should be the go-to for most coaches.

Open-Ended Questions can help you unlock insight from your athletes, but you need to make sure they are truly open-ended and not quizzes in disguise.

Here are five hypothetical conversations including one that didn’t go so well.

Convo 1: The Tentative Setter

Context: 16s club team. Setter has been inconsistent with tempo and is playing cautious.

Coach: “You were going high ball to the left a lot yesterday.”
Player: “Yeah…
Coach: “You seemed more comfortable with that.”
Player: “Yeah… it just seems safer right now.”
Coach: “What’s making it feel unsafe to set the quick right now?”
Player: “I just feel like I might mistime it or miss the connection.”
Coach: “I wonder what would make you trust it more.”
Player: “I just don’t want to mess it up.”
Coach: “Where’s that pressure coming from?”
Player: “I just don’t want to give the hitters a bad set, you know?”
Coach: “You want to get on the same page.”
Player: “Yeah like… we need more reps in practice.”
Coach: “It’s just a matter of time and reps.”
Player: “Yeah, I know we can get it down with more practice.”
Coach: “Are there any times you feel comfortable setting it today, or is it a total wait-until-practice situation?
Player: “No… I feel comfortable when I’m moving forward and it’s a good pass… everything else just feels like I can’t see when she’s up and where she is.”
Coach: “Okay, let’s stick with those situations and I can build out some chances in practice to work on the other situations.”

In the beginning of this conversation, the player is naturally going to be a little defensive. So the coach makes another observational statement (“you seemed more comfortable”) that’s a little softer and gives the player a chance to take the bait.

The Open-Ended Question: “what’s making it feel unsafe…” is asked with genuine curiosity and probably wouldn’t be interpreted as a quiz in disguise. There’s not really a right or wrong answer, which is the key to using Open-Ended Questions effectively in this context.

Consider the statement: “I wonder what would make you trust it more.” That’s a softer way of asking an Open-Ended Question. A sharper, “what would make you trust it more?” might feel more like a quiz. Explicitly stating, “I wonder…” helps communicate that you’re genuinely curious and not quizzing. That allows the coach to find out that it’s not that the player doesn’t know what to do, she’s worried about messing it up.

“Where’s the pressure coming from” is a direct question but it’s still open-ended. The pressure could be internal, from teammates, from parents, etc. The player’s response indicates that it’s more from teammates — either direct pressure or just fear of letting them down.

The first Change Statement is “we need more reps in practice,” but it’s not a strong one. With a teenage club player, I’d probably be happy with that as a start and not want to push it farther. I’d probably try to connect with a couple of the middle hitters and suss out if they are frustrated with the setter. If so, I’d address that before continuing with the setter on another day. But you might also find out that they are pretty happy with the quality of setting and just want to get set more. In that case, the best conversation with the setter will come from a teammate. Encourage your hitters to say, “hey, it doesn’t have to be perfect, just find me in transition and I’ll do something with it.”

Convo 2: The Reluctant Opposite

Context: Club volleyball, at the end of a good day from your opposite in the first tournament of the year.

Coach: high fives “Good day today, huh?”
Player: “Yeah, I wish we would have won that finals match but I feel good about things.”
Coach: “Today went even better than you expected.”
Player: “Yeah, totally.”
Coach: “If you don’t mind me asking, what were some things you were worried about?”
Player: “I was kind of worried about not getting set as much on the right-side.”
Coach: “Hey, you wanted to get set, can’t blame you for that!”
Player: “Yeah, to be honest, I almost didn’t accept the offer for the team… I mean, I really wanted to be on this team, but I was just worried that I wouldn’t get set as much playing right-side.”

In this case, a Reflective conversation allowed you to gain some information that you wouldn’t have otherwise gotten. Turns out this player almost didn’t accept your offer for the team. News to you! You also learned that this player is a little sensitive to how much he gets set, which is good to keep in mind for the future.

This is a conversation without a clear Change Statement, and, at the end of a good day, might not have the time for it. But you likely set the table for some talk about transition and being available to swing out-of-system, in the case that you have matches where this player isn’t able to get set as much. Now that you understand some of his motivations and fears, you’ll be more informed for the future.

Convo 3: The Quiet Middle

Context: College freshman middle who hasn’t been calling for the ball or staying active in transition.